Friday, February 25, 2011

Disco in the Middle East Redux

So, yeah. Libya is going insane right now. I mean it. RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Look out the window. See Libya? Yeah, batshit insane over there.

Blah blah blah, support freedom.

Blah, blah, blah, Americans are stupid and lazy.

You've heard it all before, right? There's no reason for me to continue bitching about things when nothing changes.

So, there's really no reason for me to bitch. Let's watch Libya and enjoy. Root for who you think is right. Laugh when people get hurt. Kick a puppy, and punch a kitten.

Be every gloriously evil thing you feel like.

Enjoy the suffering of those around you. Push them down when they ask for a hand up.

Simply, be a bastard.


Wednesday, February 23, 2011


There's something I hate...

Can't remember the name...

What was it?

Oh yeah.


In this instance, celebrities. Now, normally I don't have issues with the rich and famous. They stick to what they do. (Apparently cocaine, kids, and shoplifting.) I stick to my interests. (Hatred, teaching, and porn.)

Then I turn on the TV, and I see an a-lister telling me that if I only gave a damn, the world could be fixed.

I call Bullshit. I, in fact, GIVE A DAMN. Has this fixed the world? Is there a blissful utopia free of violence and poverty? Do puppies and bunnies wake you up every morning with song?


The world is shit. You know it's shit. I know it's shit. Nothing we, being unimportant people in forgettable sections of the world, can do will change that. We have no backers, no army, no resistance.

So why are there people who have more money than I will EVER have telling me that I need to fix what they're preaching about? How about you jackasses throw some of that money around? Fund a coup. I hear it's liberating. How about you celebs purchase weapons for freedom fighters? Pay for the medical costs of the INNOCENTS who have been wounded? You have the means, and the time. YOU FIX IT.

Have a good one.

Monday, February 21, 2011


I spent the whole day without remembering to update this. I have nothing prepared.


So, how about them cascading popular uprisings in Middle Eastern countries?

Friday, February 18, 2011

What do you say to these things?

Right. So I'm single. (Mainly because I'm too damn busy to date.) I've been with a few women, and had a couple of 'serious' relationships.

Contrary to my own inflated sense of self-worth, I am not qualified to give relationship advice. To anyone.

Why do my students think I'm the one to come to with their relationship problems? I get that I'm an adult, and thus know more about EVERYTHING than a group of teens, but GODDAMN is this annoying.

I grew out of my weepy emo phase TEN YEARS AGO. I don't like weepy poetry, and I'm sure as hell not going to play matchmaker. You may be asking, "Why not? It's harmless fun, right?" THIS IS WHY I DON'T LIKE YOU. You think teen pregnancy is bad now? How bad do you think it will be if the teachers start HELPING the ungrateful little bastards?

Don't get me wrong. I like the youth. I just don't trust them with anything. It saves time and heartache on my end. Sure, I've met some decent teens who I'd go out on a limb for, but most of them have THEIR HEAD SO FAR UP THEIR ASS THAT THEIR BODY'S A HAT. These are the same brain-dead bastards who bitch out their parents when the Internet's down.

So what do I do? I listen. I try to be supportive. I point them THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. Why? Because I don't want their damn kids to be named after me. They're going to bone anyway, I just don't want it on my conscience.

Have a Good One.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Wow. I'm really not good at this.

Sorry about yet another late post. (My Internet connection has been wonky. It's a technical term.)

So, I was cruising Google, trying to find something to write about. Checking out top news stories, that sort of thing. It just now clicked.

Earlier today I watched the second round of the IBM Challenge on Jeopardy. For those of you who only use the internet to catch up on your pornography collections, Jeopardy has had a computer on it, trying to win.

It won, twice. Not only won, but won against two of the best Jeopardy players ever.

You might be thinking something along the lines of, "But it's just spitting facts, of course the computer's going to win!"

You're a moron. Jeopardy is damn near impossible for a regular computer to win because of how the answers are worded. Most computers do not pick up on slang, puns, or innuendo. (Which is what a good deal of Jeopardy answers are based on.)

This thing won both times. When the totals of both days were calculated up, it stomped them.

As Ken Jennings said, when he lost to one of the smartest computers on earth, "I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords"

Have a good one.

Monday, February 14, 2011

The Joy of Booze...

Ever sat, hungover, in front of a roomful of kids? I did, for the big V-day. I told all my class periods to read 5 chapters of our book and don't bug me unless it was important.

While I was sitting there, nursing my head like I'm a goddamn breastfeeding mother, I realized something.

There are some serious problems with the education system in this country.


NO I DID NOT JUST FIGURE THIS OUT NOW. The thing is, I always thought I was doing something to help. You know, being the cool teacher who actually gets them interested in the subject. The cool teacher that you could talk to.

But being the cool teacher isn't enough. Even if I get these kids interested in one subject, there's still the other six periods filled with mindless, regurgitated drek. The age of 'No Child Left Behind' has brought the era of ALL KIDS BEING PULLED ALONG.

If you don't get it, let me fill you in. Over the last oh, three decades, there has been a gradual shift towards standardized testing, and away from, you know, ACTUAL TEACHING. Children and teenagers are taught to spit up facts on command, and then forget them so that the NEW batch of facts can be learned, ad nauseam. Nothing being taught is of any practical application, aside from a few, non-essential classes.

World History was fascinating for me. I love literature, history, sociology. I still have no idea where the wiper fluid reservoir on my Azera is. That's the problem, too. Even if the kids give a DAMN about the subjects (and from my experiences, most teens think school is wasting their time. I'M INCLINED TO AGREE), it won't help them be a functional member of society, which is what I THOUGHT THE PURPOSE OF SCHOOL WAS.

I'm not a revolutionary. I don't want America to have to go through what Egypt went through (yet). School is boring, unhelpful, and honestly damaging to the development of our youth. I see it every day, and have almost been fired a couple times for trying to change it. It'll take someone with a hell of a lot more clout than me, and I don't see that happening.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Do-it-yourself Devilry

I know that this one's late in the day. It happens. Don't judge.

I've been thinking about supervillains recently. You read that right. Supervillains. Now, I'm sure there are some of you who, at this point, look like an aborigine confronted with a Jackson Pollack original.

Have you gotten it out of your system yet? Do you want to hear WHY I've been thinking about supervillains?

Easy. I think I can do it. The whole 'supervillain' thing. I think I'd do a damn sight better than most of the idiots portrayed in comics, movies, and TV, too.

Let's assume that I have possession of my own country. (Casvellia) I have a stable economy, an industrious populace, oh, and don't forget, MY GODDAMN LEGIONS OF EVIL. Now, I think that there are several things that could be improved, at least to the extant that I won't have spandex-rife crusaders knocking down my door at 2 in the morning. Let me try a small list:

1. Don't torture my populace. As a matter of fact, I think I'd make sure they all had free high-speed internet. Distractions to keep them happy. I need these people on MY SIDE. That way, when Captain Crusaderkins shows up, they'll hang him without my intervention.

2. My LEGIONS OF EVIL would not wear masks and have a strict training regimen, with an emphasis on marksmanship.

3. I would never show up to a UN meeting wearing a color-coordinated outfit. This never ends well.

This is just the ideas I came up with in 5 minutes. Anyone got any more?

Have a good one